Wednesday, January 16, 2013

A Few Tickles for Your Funny Bone

This is my dream life. I'm sitting on my sofa, still in my jammies, with my dogs curled up next to me, and sipping my coffee while I work (aka write, or more accurately type because writing by hand is pretty much a lost art). This is the view to which I awoke. How could this not be inspiring?
A snow day was called which means no school for Emma and no work for Brittany. For me, it means some writing time, some knitting time (I'm working on a sweater for Emma), maybe even time for a chick flick. At least until I have to go to the dentist for part one of getting a crown made. I'm hoping the dentist calls a snow day, too.

I know, I know. I'm one of those people who love the snow! There's just something so beautiful about it. Of course, it's easy for me to love because I don't have to dig out my car, though I do need to shovel a path to the doggy potty yard. I'd probably hate the snow if I were a dog and had to do my business outside in the snowy cold. And I would definitely hate the snow if I had to walk through it to an outhouse a bazillion times every day. By the time I'd get back to the house and take off my boots, coat, gloves, and hat I'd need to go again. And you know how I feel about outhouses and germs in general. In one of my worst nightmares, I am a pioneer woman with this old bladder riding in a bumpy wagon and without any TP or soap. I guess the nightmare could be worse. I could be locked in the outhouse!

At any rate, I saw this on FB and thought it was cute. I haven't any idea who wrote it, but it wasn't me. Hope it tickles your funny bone! 

How Children Perceive Their Grandparents

1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "ButGrandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye....

2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?" 

3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"

4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.

6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!"

8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."

10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said. "How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child.

12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one child. "No," said another. "He's just for good luck." A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him! 

And here's my favorite.

15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.

I've never done that. Really. Yet somehow my three dogs sound like a canine orchestra. Beware: their rhythm is gonna get'cha! (That Gloria Estefan song will now be playing in my head for days.)

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